Psalm
39:4-7 (NIV)
“Show me,
Lord, my life’s end
and the number of my days;
let me know how fleeting my life is.
You
have made my days a mere handbreadth;
the span of my years is as nothing before you.
Everyone
is but a breath,
even those who seem secure.
“Surely
everyone goes around like a mere phantom;
in vain they rush about, heaping up wealth
without knowing whose it will finally be.
“But
now, Lord, what do I look for?
My hope is in you.
We are,
have, or will deal with the inevitable insecurity of uncertainty. I know that
was a mouthful. But, I can't believe how hard uncertainty is affecting me and
the lives so close to me. I think about my future almost constantly, on a
repeating cycle of doubt. Sometimes I think I know where I want my life
to be, but there is always something holding me back...another decision that
has to be made before committing.
My point
in saying all of that is just to emphasize how much I've spent thinking about
what the uncertainty means to me. Most of what I'm afraid of is the
typical(maybe)...being stuck in a life where I won't be happy. Or worse,
being stuck in a life where I feign happiness.
My fear is
hushed by the doubt that what I'm afraid of is actually putting forth the work
to achieve anything in life. Which brings me very clearly to the uncertainty
yet again.
I must say
though that I've had a lot of experiences with different people in my lifetime,
most of them knowing what they've wanted forever. Some with the drive,
some with the passion, and some just with the parents. I don't doubt that most
of them will be happy with whatever paths they choose. A lot of them might just
end up stuck.
It seems
to me that on my path to better understanding what the Lord wills of me, I have
found that the things that I'm worried about having in my future...all of them
are material. I have spent so much time thinking about what I won't have if I
choose a path that would make me happiest, that I put the decision on myself. I
forgot to listen to the Lord.
My
motivation for this blog post wasn't for me to tell you what I've discovered
for myself, or to tell you to what the Lord has done for me. Rather, I
just wish and pray for all of you, my beautiful friends. I pray that in
your road to self-discovery you can find that road that leads you to happiness.
No matter the socially accepted consequences and limits, that you can find
peace in your decisions.
